Sunday, 4 June 2017
Saturday, 1 April 2017
30. When running low on a product for your station’s prep you always let the chef know before the last of it is gone
Wednesday, 7 January 2015
Monday, 15 September 2014
2. “Steal and use the achievements of others”: which is essential for getting to the top, whilst those at the bottom never stop complaining about our incompetence. In the slang of the useless, this is called “taking all the credit“.
3. “Deny having done anything”: even though you’ve been caught on film committing the worst possible crime, deny it all. It could always be thought that it’s a complex plot created by your worst enemy to question your honesty.
4. “Don’t face up to things and avoid making statements”: never try to defend yourself if you’ve done something bad. You will be accused of things that you hadn’t even thought of. It’s better to avoid making statements and mention a brief: “I haven’t done anything; this is a plot against my honesty and good name”.
5. “Look for false witnesses to back up the lie”: there is always an absent-minded friend, one of those who are dying to be at your side, who will be willing to state anything, and back up our tale. It’s important to have some to hand.
7. “Get a lawyer to make statements for you”: once the previous point has been exhausted, it’s best to get a lawyer to respond with excuses and contradictions.
8. “Invent a Saintly role”: if ultimately we have to say something, it’s important to have created a story that elevates us to the level of Holy Spirit and makes everyone believe that under no circumstances would we be capable of such acts.
9. “Throw stones at the enemy”: someone wants to back us into a corner? However saintly they are, they will always have a dark side. Look for it and hit them hard until no doubt remains that the person is worse than the devil.
10. “Invent a conspiracy”: if someone has backed us into a corner, and we haven’t been able to take them down, there is no other alternative than to plot a conspiracy, using a smoke screen. The most common stories are those that involve the abuse or harassment of women, because they always manage to attract nonsensical parrots.